These three, individually and together, can decide whether you will have sex, will not have sex, or go through a harrowing experience at trying to have it. Let's take a look at each one of them.
You are not having any if your best pick-up line goes something like this, “ Hello madam, I am single, intelligent, broad-minded and an eligible boyfriend. Do you have a vacancy?” No, sir, that just does not work. You are not any better off with, “Hey babe, I've three cars, five credit cards and an empty villa. Would you like to have some fun?” Chances are you will end up with a chick like the one who hooks up with Saif Ali Khan's character in 'Dil Chahta Hai' and then, rips him off down to the underwear. That is, you will be 'NSTF'd - No Sex yet Totally F***ed!
Assuming you are smarter than all that, and you are successful in wooing a walking, talking aphrodisiac in black gown and shimmering mascara, you still need to be pretty good with your vocabulary. Cause if you flip open your wallet, swish out a condom and say, “I am clean. But hey, sex is a two way thing, isn't it?,” you better be in good physical shape. Running at 100kmph is impossible with all that extra fat on your frame.
Nobody said safe sex is easy. Sex may be. You can even buy it off the streets. But who's willing to die for sex? I'm not. I'd rather live and learn to have safe sex.
Let's talk about the college angle now. If you are from BITS, IIT, IIM or a similar institution of higher learning, no lass will mistake you for a dumb punk who has no idea whether he's coming or if he ever will. The moment they know you are from one of the better colleges, they know you are smart. It's a myth, I agree, but it exists and hence works for you. It's a kind of big imaginary red light in the 'high-risk' mating game. Which is good. It keeps the little ladies with a extraordinary obsession for life-threatening adventure sports away from you. People who insist on risking their lives for fun should be trying bungee-jumping or something equally dangerous. At least, no one else gets hurt.
The last but not the least important part of the equation is your shoe. It is a simple, yet accurate giveaway of your personality. And your intelligence. It's a window to your superior self or stupidity depending on how you wear them.
For example, if you are wearing a shabby pair of shoes and have a condom at hand, you will be considered someone who is really intelligent. Someone who values his life over his appearance. Someone who is extremely principle led, and hence dependable. You have 70% chances of engaging in safe sex on a regular weekend rave party.
On the other hand, if your shoes are shiny and you have no condom at hand, you are busted! Completely, totally, and absolutely busted! A selfish, son-of-a-swine, who also happens to be smackingly stupid and a show-off – that's how you will be pictured. Someone who was vain enough to shine his shoes but not smart enough to buy a condom! Very thoughtless of you, my friend. Not a very positive impression to make especially when 'good times' depend on making the right impression. Result – nobody who really is worth buying a drink for is going to come anywhere near you. Mission unaccomplished! A total failure!
Now this does not mean that the next time you are heading for a hot spot, you put on your best pair of shoes and carry a wallet full of condoms. That does not say you are extra thoughtful. It only says you are very indiscrete!!! Sometimes, if you are really unlucky, you could be mistaken for a condom salesman too! Not something you want, I bet!
The best thing to do is to wear your shiny shoes and have a condom handy. It sends the message that not only are you a 'safe player' but also 'a man of means' who can afford dinner for two. From here, you are on your own. Just one thing. When you raise that toast thank me once, will you? Good luck!
2 comments:
Right on bro!!
bro u shd b in hollywood.. :)
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